RELAPSE AUTOPSY REPORT: Post-Breakup Tactical Worksheet
You slipped. You stalked. You texted “u up?” at 2am.
Now do the autopsy.
The RELAPSE AUTOPSY REPORT is a fillable, printable worksheet for post-breakup accountability:
- Log the event: When, where, and what triggered the relapse
- Follow the chemical trail: Was it serotonin, cortisol, or just old habits?
- Damage assessment: How much time did you waste? How deep did you spiral?
- Countermeasures: Write your tactical comeback—Mittens demands action, not regret
- Mittens’ Closing Note: Yes, the cat will tax you with burpees and shame memes
Who is this for?
Anyone serious about escaping their own doom loop.
If you need a clinical, savage, and slightly ridiculous way to stop justifying your “slips,” this is your tool.
Use it after every relapse, or print a stack and start your own accountability folder. Warden Mittens is always watching.
PDF. English. Instant download. Fillable or printable.
BONUS:
Post your cringiest completed Relapse Autopsy Report and tag @mittensxyz on Instagram, TikTok or X.
You’ll get 1 free roast delivered publicly, valued at exactly 1 dopamine hit.
Bragging rights included. Shame not refundable.
You'll get Fillable PDF worksheet: perform a forensic investigation on your next breakup relapse Analyze triggers, root cause, and chemical sabotage Track actions, setbacks, and neurochemical consequences (with Mittens’ commentary) Bonus: Mandatory burpees for every “oops” PDF, printable or digital