DOPAMINE DETOX : EMERGENCY BREAKUP RECOVERY PROTOCOL BUNDLE

DOPAMINE DETOX: EMERGENCY BREAKUP RECOVERY PROTOCOL BUNDLE

The Only Post-Breakup Toolkit That’s Funnier and Harsher Than Your Group Chat

You’ll Get:

• DOPAMINE DETOX EBOOK ONLY (56-page protocol): The tactical guide to reset your brain, rebuild your body, and end your ex’s rent-free stay in your frontal cortex.
• Mittens Penitentiary 30-Day No Contact Calendar (fillable PDF): Survive your “sentence.” Reset to Day 1 if you relapse. If you finish, you’re officially free.
• RELAPSE AUTOPSY REPORT: Post-Breakup Tactical Worksheet (fillable PDF): Forensic worksheet for every time you “accidentally” break no-contact. Turn failures into data and content.
• BONUS: Tag @mittensxyz with your filled worksheets and get roasted publicly for a fresh dopamine hit.

What’s Inside:

• Step-by-step science-backed protocol (no therapy-core fluff, no hand-holding)
• Printable & fillable accountability tools to meme your way through withdrawal
• Blunt cat logic for relapse, sabotage, and actual progress
• Instant downloads, lifetime updates

Who Should Buy This?

• High-agency degenerates who want results, not “healing journeys”
• People sick of reading about self-love who just want to win
• Anyone who wants a zero-bullshit roadmap out of heartbreak with receipts

Bundle Pricing:

• Buy separately for $50+
• BUNDLE DEAL: $40 (Launch special)
• No refunds for emotional damage, only for actual purchase regret within 30 days (see refund policy)

FAQ:
Q: Can I just buy the calendar or autopsy report?
A: Sure, but you’ll pay more and get less satisfaction.
Q: What if I fail at the protocol?
A: That’s what the autopsy report is for. Mittens is always watching.
Q: Can I share my results for a free roast?
A: Absolutely. Tag @mittensxyz and get your shame turned into engagement.

30-Day Money-Back Guarantee: Proof or Nothing

Do the protocol for 30 days. Post daily proof—tag @mittensxyz on IG, TikTok, or Twitter/X.

If you’re not at least 50% better, I’ll refund you.

• Funniest or most savage progress tags get reposted, memed, and featured as “Mittens Approved.”
• Top transformations will get a certificate from Mittens.

No proof, no refund.
No action, no refund.
No comfort tourists.

This is for people who want results and aren’t afraid to flex them.

BONUS:
Post your cringiest completed Relapse Autopsy Report and tag @mittensxyz on Instagram, TikTok or X.
You’ll get 1 free roast delivered publicly, valued at exactly 1 dopamine hit.
Bragging rights included. Shame not refundable.